All Christians should agree on the inspiration of Scripture and the hope of salvation through the person and work of Jesus Christ. No Christian should ever dispute such key spiritual realities as these. But there is a host of other spiritual matters upon which we can have a difference of opinion and still be good friends. I probably have some different convictions on movies, music, sports, alcohol, clothes, & Christmas trees than you do. And you probably have different convictions on corporate church matters than I do, like songs, videos, preaching styles, etc. So does that mean we shouldn’t be close friends or worship together in the same service? No! If we agree on the essentials of the Christian faith, we should be friends and worshipers together. So what are the essentials? They can be summarized in the following statement: Salvation is by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone for the glory of God alone as revealed in the Scriptures alone. If you and I both believe that and are committed to that principle, we should be able to lovingly enjoy one another in Christian fellowship.
Romans 14 and 15 give Christians some really good principles for maintaining charitable and healthy relationships with fellow believers who don’t share the same convictions on debatable issues. I’m writing this article to help you pursue peace and edification with your friends, especially when you differ in your convictions! The Apostle Paul deals with four problem-areas in the church: JUDGMENT – we judge others (14:1-12); OBSTACLES – we cause others to stumble (14:13-23); SELFISHNESS – we don’t consider others (15:1-6); RESISTANCE – we don’t accept others (15:7-13). So I would like to give you some principles and applications to combat these problem-areas:
Don’t condemn other Christians. “Strong” and “Weak” Christians should not condemn each other over non-essential activities. Violation of biblical commands & principles is one thing. Exercising liberty in debatable areas is quite another. Why? Because the Lord is the ultimate Judge and only He knows the true condition of the heart and purity of the behavior. Therefore, none of us should allow our personal convictions to hinder our fellowship with people who love God. We shouldn’t make a big deal about things that really aren’t a big deal. For instance, the Gospel is a big deal (Romans 1:16)! Unedifying speech is a big deal (Ephesians 4:29)! The use & non-use of certain instruments in corporate music is not a big deal (Psalm 150). Let me give you a more concrete example: If my wife and I homeschool our children and you & your spouse send your children to public school, neither of us should judge or condemn the other. Neither of us should think more highly of ourselves. Instead, we should love each other, support each other, and purpose to fellowship with each other. As we exercise mutual love, we will demonstrate the unifying power of the Gospel.
Don’t be a stumbling block. “Strong” Christians should not insist on exercising their liberties around “weak” Christians due to the possibility of spiritual harm. Why? Because such insistence violates the principle of love and concern for one another. Just because you have the right to exercise liberty, it does not mean that you should exercise that liberty! Be considerate toward your brother who may be offended by your participation. For his encouragement, you should at least pray about what is going to contribute to his edification. Harmony with him is more important than your right to participate in a questionable activity. Remember: “The kingdom of God is not eating and drinking…” So here is an example of how not to be a stumbling block: If you’re at a local public restaurant watching a ballgame with a Christian friend, and you feel the freedom to drink a beer but you know that he does not. He actually has a family history of alcoholism and so he stays away from any consumption. In this scenario, you should abstain from drinking to keep from being a stumbling block to your brother.
Prioritize the needs of others. Every Christian should have a greater concern for others than for himself. Why? Because of the ultimate example of our Lord Jesus. The Christian who says, “I have the right do this! I am going to do this! And nobody can stop me” is the same Christian who rejects the example of our Lord Jesus, who though He existed in the form of God did not regard equality with God something to be held onto, but lowered Himself and made Himself a servant for the sake of others. Thanks be to God that Jesus did not say, “I have the right to be worshiped as God. I am going to be worshiped as God. And nobody can stop me!” Otherwise, He would not have accomplished the Gospel and we would all still be dead in our sins. Here’s an example: You may have a firm commitment to eat only healthy foods (e.g. ya know – whole grain, gluten-free, sugar-free, fun-free stuff). And you just really don’t want to eat anything but those kinds of foods. And after church one Sunday, Mr. & Mrs. Pepperoni invite you over for lunch. They’re new at the church and haven’t had any real fellowship with the folks yet. It actually took a great deal of courage for them to ask you over. Mrs. Pepperoni leans over and whispers in your ear and says, “I’m cooking homemade pizza with all the good toppings. You really should come.” A few years ago that offer would have sounded delicious. Today it kinda makes your stomach turn. So you have two choices: 1) you can graciously decline (so as to avoid eating that pizza) or 2) graciously accept (knowing that you are about to build a Gospel-bridge and a substantial relationship with this couple). I believe that the point of Paul’s teaching in Romans 14-15 is that you should do your very best to think of others and their needs before you think of yourself and your desires. “The kingdom of God is not eating and drinking.” (Note: Food allergies, legitimate diseases and conditions obviously fall into a different category than the situation above.)
Receive one another. “Strong” and “Weak” Christians should receive each other fully as equal members of the church. Why? Because God Himself has shown that He accepts both Jews and Gentiles as His people. Some of us are prone to draw lines in the sand over issues of personal conviction. And after drawing that line, we build up walls of defense by re-stating our opinion, and re-re-stating our opinion, and finding every piece of ammunition we can find to support our opinion. And then we find more information to denigrate any other alternative opinion. Sadly, that kind of thing brings no unity. It only puts you (and your few friends) on one island and everybody else on another island. Though you may be content with living on this Christian island with your few friends, God is neither content with it or pleased by it. That is precisely why Paul says you should receive one another, just as Christ also received you, to the glory of God.
The following principle is practiced by Christians who want to honor the spirit of Romans 14-15: On essentials UNITY, on nonessentials LIBERALITY, in all things CHARITY.
For the body of Christ to function well we must all individually apply Romans 14-15: Don’t condemn other Christians. Don’t be a stumbling block for weaker Christians. Prioritize the needs of others. Receive one another. Personal convictions are secondary to the spiritual welfare of the church, because the glory of God can only be manifested through the harmony of His people.
I want to say one additional thing for the benefit of church leaders (including myself): Remember that there is danger when people with the narrowest consciences rule the decisions of the Christian majority. It is the responsibility of pastors to shepherd the hearts of Christians whose consciences are bound by extra-biblical or unbiblical standards, especially when they harm the unity of church fellowship.
My prayer is that you and I will appreciate each other’s differences and by the grace of God and for the glory of God NOT be divisive in our personal friendships and corporate fellowship. Amen?!?
Your insight on the danger of the narrowest conscience ruling the body is so significant. Thanks so much for the teaching and the challenge!
Philip, I agree and understand what you are saying. I stand true to my convictions, but can’ force then on others. The Holy Spirit works in us individually, albeit many times we don’t respond to Him.
Well stated, very helpful.
Amen!! This is very helpful to me.
Ryan, I so appreciate you addressing this. The church atmosphere I grew up in involved a lot of judging others and drawing lines, resulting in fellowship that was rare, and short lived (because the longer you knew someone, the more chance to discover something you didn’t have in common that threatened the relationship.)We definitely lived on an island.
I’m so blessed to now fellowship with a group of people who’ve been shepherded toward NOT majoring on the minors, but focusing on the Gospel. Thanks for this post.